The sun is shining, I’m lying on my sofa basking in its rays, letting the heat soothe my muscles and aching bones.
Most days I could do this, well in fact every day I could do this.
I have a condition, a problem a pain in the arse, neck, legs, back, arms, hands, knees, head. I think you get the picture.
Many of you know about my condition, let’s give its proper name Fibromyalgia. Stupid name. Stupid condition.
I take medication for my condition, but they don’t always do what I want them to do.
When I’m on the maximum it steals my brain! The robbing bastard I hear you cry! They take the skill of talking away. Those formative early years of learning new words feel like they never happened!
The drugs leave me a little confused. More than what is the norm for me anyway. Fibromyalgia comes with its own “fibro fog” as suffers and Drs have given its adopted name for one of its shitty symptoms. As if the every day muscle migraines, stiff legs, aching hands etc etc weren’t enough.
So when I get ill, I feel I’m already a long way from normal ill. Cause I’m ill ALL THE TIME. Fibro never goes. If I stayed in bed and rested to get better I would never get up.
Sometimes I wish I could pass my fibro on, like a cold, do my stint then generously pass it on to the next victim!
Now that sounds a bit cruel I know. But I’ve had my turn. I’ve had enough. I promise to nurse the person to take it from me.
But it’s mine forever. I get to keep it all to myself.
I would like people to experience the feeling of Fibromyalgia. Just so they could understand just for an hour what it feels like to me and millions of others out there who struggle on every day.
I’ve been trying to wean off my pain blockers, to try and re gain ownership of my brain, thoughts and words!
It’s not going well.
I’m having some weird nerve reaction to it. My body doesn’t seem to be taking it to kindly! I’m not going to bore you with symptoms. Let’s just say Its shit, seems fair!
I’ve had the dose put back up.
So back to my point, see I’ve lost my train of thought. Forgotten where I was going with this……….
Yep that’s it.
I’m a pain. That’s how it feels. A pain that my wonderful husband is practically my carer along side his very demanding full time job.
I’m a pain to the kids when I’m grouchy or a day has to be cancelled cause it’s too much that day.
They are desperate to go swimming, but if the water is too cold I’m done for!
I don’t want sympathy.
What I do want is an awareness that many people all though looking fit n well on the outside, are in a lot of pain and may need support sometimes but don’t like to ask for the fear of their pain becoming a pain.
I’m very lucky to have a supportive family and friends surrounding me. My wonderful husband will rub my legs till they settle and I can sleep. My mum will look after me and the kids at a moments notice. And great friends who will take my kiddies to and from school again at he drop of the hat.
I thank them all. X
I hope this made sense and the word thingys are in the right order!
Much love to you all.
I promise a happier post next time!
The Photo is of me on a bad pain day. See I look normal! Ish!