For what ever reason lately I have been talking to my friends real and virtual (by the way I consider my virtual friends to be as real as you!) about relationships. one particular conversation made me think. I was told what a good man Mr6 was and where did they go to find one like him ?
It made me think, how did I find one like him ? Obviously I know how we met and got together ( again that’s for another time !) But what made this relationship stand the test of time, where other relationships failed to go?
Now any of my close friends and any who have taken the time to read my previous Blog Im obsessed its all about me, will know that I have been engaged twice before the real deal, not that I’ve had a lot of relationships you understand, just always got into serious ones !! Now for what ever reason, usually arguments as both relationships were rather turbulent they came to an end. So what was the magic ingredient that made Mr6 and I succeed where others had failed before?
It was this conversation on Twitter that I realised what this missing ingredient was…. Mr6 and I had been friends years before finally getting together. We had witnessed each other in previous relationships, we knew each other flaws, he knew how feisty and argumentative I could be, god knows how many times he had witnesses a blazer on a night out with a previous boyfriend of mine ! He knew what made me tick, and what buttons not to press, and I saw just what a lovely guy he was who could be too nice ! I once on a night out, confronted his then girlfriend telling her that she was lucky to have him and she shouldnt take him for granted, or else someone else would ! At the time I didn’t mean me !
So when we did finally get together, every thing happened very quickly, with many a raised eyebrow and many a talk of rebound on my part. But we didn’t need the time to get to know each other, we already had our back story in place, knew each other inside out and prepared to take it to the next level. Mr6 and I always secretly fancied each other, we admitted this to each other as we got together. (In fact whilst both in relationships on a drunken night out, we had said to each other, that if it had been another time and place and circumstances had been different we probably would of got together then.)
so taking our relationship to the next level was easy, we could cross the friend barrier easily enough without it feeling weird. so we became in my mind the ultimate FWB (friends with benefits) ! Too much information, I’m sorry but I need it to put my point across !
This is the missing ingredient, FRIENDSHIP.
After being together for thirteen years, having four children, busy lives and a stressful life, that spark can be put on the back burner, dwindling slightly waiting to be ignited again. And whilst this is happening what are you left with ?
Hopefully you like me are left with your best friend. someone to be there for you always, be a constant support with no question, has a permanent shoulder for you to cry on, will understand your mood, laugh at that in joke you’ve both been in on for years, and just sometimes be the one who leaves you alone, but is ready and waiting for you when you are ready to share your fears and your dreams.
Then when the sex does come back, and that spark is ignited once again, its as good as it’s always been as you still share that same connection that brought you together in the first place (and let’s be honest probably lasts longer too !!)
ok I’LL stop now !
Look I’m not claiming to be some sort of relationship expert, I’m just putting across what I think keeps my relationship working for so long and continue to do so. Because sometimes the sex does stop and I’m lucky to be left with my best friend to share my life with, because whats a life with out friends ?? !!! AND I’M LUCKY AS I HAVE THE ULTIMATE FRIEND WITH BENEFITS !