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I’ve just been replying to a comment from last nights post, on being strong and sticking to my guns, and staying off twitter. It was said I was being strong keeping all the doubting voices in a box. I had to admit today has been hard.

I’ve been alone all day at home with the lad, by choice as had lots to catch up with. Or was I just keeping busy to keep my mind occupied ?

The whole day has been shadowed by a void in my stomach, (we all know the feeling im talking about) you’ve just been dumped by that rather handsome bloke, and the pain is insufferable. I pottered around the house, then I would find my phone in my hand. It hadn’t gone off, it was just there heavy in my hand, blank.

The washing called again, and my day carried on. I kept going back to it though, picking it up, then putting it down again. My late teens came flashing back, picking the phone up putting it down again, should I call, not call, will he call me ? I felt empty, a bit lost. But this is ridiculous, why am I feeling like this?

My mind wandered, how where #bustimetweets going, was Callum being as crude as always, I wished Ed would make me a virtual cuppa with a slice of Battenberg. If one of the stay at home dads was in a better emotional place today, would my newly appointed word “rocktastic” (I will get it in the dictionary!)  be forgotten. I cared a lot more than I thought.

But im positive, this is the grieving stage right ? I enjoyed having a night to myself last night, with out my phones sexy beeps interrupting my thoughts. I wrote in my writing note-book. O.K it was about my experiences on twitter, but its a start, I’m writing again and that’s good. My little girl came home unwell, so tea time was really hectic, tea to cook for the others, putting the girls bedding back on, and keeping her fever down, and just keeping a watchful eye over the toddler. Add twitter beeps to that and you’ve got a distracted fraught Mummy !

I’m nervous about tomorrow. Looks like the lass could be off school, and I should be at playgroup with the lad. Play group was a non tweeting zone (self enforced!) as had real “people” to converse with, and spend quality time with the lad.

I’m about to watch The Vampire Diaries for the first time on my own ! Yep I had a tweep who watched TV with me !

So come on Mrs six, buck up ! He’s not going to call ITS OVER ! X

(I think)